You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
