I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
