I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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