There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
In America we eat man semen.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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