....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I look better un-naked...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
