Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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