he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize