his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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