I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
