There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
