fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
