and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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