I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
