4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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