she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
