i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
