remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
