I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I love you. Go after that dick
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I want a musical about memes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
