I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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