How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
