Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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