i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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