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I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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