would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
