there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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