Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
