i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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