im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
