My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
