thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
