I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
