Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
