R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
