I heard we made out
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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