Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
