its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
