I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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