I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
