apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
