The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
