I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She made me pour olive oil on her.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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