Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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