I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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