Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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