No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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