he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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