you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
