i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
please come you make the beer taste better
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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