I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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