i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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