I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
