so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
