There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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