my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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