And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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