Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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