just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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