There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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