chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
