she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
