yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
