I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
