Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Duck Duck Cougar?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
