Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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