all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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