Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize