My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
