I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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