Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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