wrigley field is MILF paradise
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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