What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
